Latest from v4.5

Yep…she’s a one off my little v4.5. How did she put a look of shock on her Mum’s face and reduce her to giggles?

Was it her extract from Jack and the Beanstalk?

“Fi FyFo Fum! I can smell a dog, a cat and a puppy!”

That was funny and quite unexpected but no, that wasn’t it…….

V4.5 picked up a box of tampons from the bathroom, took them into the bedroom and said to Mum…

” Mum, are these toothpicks?”

Now, just how do you answer that? Just saying no seems so inadequate

Bedford Red

The Human Side of Football

I’ve just read a story on the BBC website about the players and management of Portsmouth Football Club collectively contributing to save four peoples jobs at the club’s training ground.

What a magnificent gesture considering the state of of the club’s finances and also that the players have been the victims of late payment of wages on numerous occasions this season.

With such generous sentiment the fans can be rightly proud of their team, not just for their fighting spirit against all odds that they display, but for the sheer humanity of the situation.

All staff at Portsmouth FC have been hung out to dry by four owners this season although the fourth, Balram Chainrai it can be argued has probably saved the club by taking it into administration before Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs carved it up.

Spare a thought for a loyal supporter base who must be experiencing hell on earth this season. Has a supporter of a football club ever seen their club implode on such a scale. PortsmouthFC fans are a great bunch, they have been magnificent to their team this season and rightly critical of the parasites who have muddied the name of the club. How does John Anthony Portsmouth Football Club Westwood keep going? Because he is a fan who lives and breathes for his beloved club like so many fans up and down the country who are witnessing the money men from overseas pillage their clubs for personal gain. John Westwood is a figure who is synomous with Portsmouth FC with his distinctive supporters “uniform”, the cameras are attracted to him and rightly so, he’s everything that is good about supporting your team.

Spare a thought also for Avram Grant. The manager of the year award will probably go to Sir Alex Ferguson, maybe Arsène Wenger or Carlo Ancelotti. In my opinion they should give the award to Avram Grant now for what he has endured. Special mention as well to Paul Hart for his part in keeping Portsmouth’s first team concentrating on football matters.

I wish Portsmouth FC all the best for the remainder of this season and for many seasons to come with a responsible owner.

Play Up Pompey, Pompey Play Up

Bedford Red

Health and Safety v Common Sense

I’ve got a path that needs repairing, only a simple job. Just need three 3′ x 2′ paving slabs. So off I go to my local builders yard for the slabs and some sand and asked the chap behind the counter for a price.

At this point 2010 and Health & Safety jumped up and slapped me?

“Sorry mate, we’re not allowed to sell that size any more. Health & Safety, they’re too heavy.”

Stunned, I replied that when I had a Saturday job in my schooldays and anything was too heavy I would ask for help.

“Yeah, know what you’re saying mate but what if someone’s working on their own?”

The answer is quite simple my under educated friend……”Don’t F***ing lift it until someone is there to help you!!!”

So I paid for my 2½’ x 2′ slabs and my regulation 25kg bags of sand and wandered into the yard to see the loading man. Strange thing here, although the new sized slabs are passed by Health & Safety he still asked me to help him load the slabs into my car. Perhaps next time the slabs will be smaller still. Perhaps when my children are grown up all paving slabs will be made of paper or Lego to suit Health & Safety legislation.

So I buggered off home, enjoying an intelligent chat with v3.0 en route and unloaded the car…….on my own!!!

Bedford Red

Benitez thinks Valencia dived!

So Rafa Benitez thinks Valencia dived at Old Trafford yesterday. Rafa, how can you complain about anything like that when 50% of your team, namely Steven Gerrard, is one of the worst divers in football (the other 50% incidentally is Fernando Torres – the others just show up to get on the telly!)

Get your own house in order first Rafa!

Bedford Red

What a thing to say!

I thought that this weekend might be a bit of a downer. I was out with mates on Friday night when the wheels came off the evening and I was at home by 10pm. My local rugby team, Bedford Blues were away to Plymouth Albion on the Saturday, a bit too far to travel so no live game to attend. There was always the Six Nations climax to watch on TV I guess. I saw the end of the Wales v Italy match and was looking forward to my team, Scotland, play Ireland in Dublin. No one gave Scotland a chance but no matter, this was going to be the first match I could watch as it happened – get lost Sky+ this time.

Scotland were doing well but it looked like another lead might slip away – another defeat cluched from the jaws of victory.

Bedford Red with v4.5 & v3.0

Midway through the second half my little princess, v3.0, came upstairs and climbed up on the bed with and watched the match with her Dad.

She was cuddled up next me when she looked at me and said “Daddy, we must be friends for ever and ever.”

You have to be a Dad to realise what an effect that has!

After that the weekend was a breeze! Scotland held on for a well deserved 23-20 win and avoided the wooden spoon.

When the result came through from Plymouth, Bedford Blues had won 10-9 to get the play off campaign underway. So to Sunday and Bedford Red’s first love, Manchester United, beat Liverpool. Sir Alex Ferguson worked his magic again and just to put the cream on the day, Chelsea failed to beat Blackburn Rovers.

What had started off as a dodgy looking weekend turned out OK. My favourite teams winning their matches was really good but v3.0 made it so memorable with her special words.

One of the best things about being a Dad to such special girls is experiencing that lump in the throat moment when v3.0 and v4.5 say or do something special and you are so proud of them and love them even more than before.

Never underestimate the power of your kids, its phenomenal!

Bedford Red

Bogey queen

My little one, v3.0, is on fire with her utterances this week.

this is NOT v3.0

Being a dutiful Dad I wiped her nose as there was little chance of any oxygen getting up her nose. Did I get any thanks? No! I got a good telling off……it went something like this.

“Dad, you took away my bogey!”

“I wasn’t finished with it!”

“I was going to eat that later!”

Version 3.0 was sitting on my other half’s lap at the time and swiftly reduced her Mum to rapturous laughter. It wasn’t just what she said, it was the absolute conviction with which she said it.

Years ago my parents told me “Little boys should be seen and not heard.”

Look what they missed out on!

Bedford Red

All the single ladies……revamped

My time in blogging hibernation is over thanks to one of my little princesses and a very popular song in our house.

The song is Single Ladies by Beyoncé. My other half and I got hooked on this song when we saw the football scene on Glee. As a result, our girls now sing it at every opportunity…….well, one line of it anyway.

Our youngest daughter v3.0, recently upgraded from v2.0 and her sister, v4.5, stand on plastic steps and sing “all the single ladies” repeatedly.

This morning though, v3.0 added her own slant on the rendition.

Interspersed with many lines of “all the single ladies” was heard “all the single poo poo’s” and also “all the single wee wee’s.”

Keen sense of humour developing here methinks. Version 4.5 agrees. She came running to tell me how funny she though v3.0 was.

If this story offends the politically correct lingering amongst us then Dad thinks it’s even funnier and will immediately treat both v3.0 and v4.5.

Long live kids humour!!!

Bedford Red

McDonald’s v KFC

Never thought that I’d ever prefer McDonald’s to Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) but yesterday it happened.

After a visit to a very large Asda superstore in Milton Keynes we decided to reward our 2yo with her favourite treat whilst out and about – chippies! This is normally accompanied by “beef burger, strawberry milkshake…….and a toy!”

So we follow the McDonald’s icon on TomTom and it takes us to the restaurant next to the MK Dons stadium. Next door to McDonalds is KFC! Spoilt for choice so we decide to give 2yo a change – bad mistake.

All parents reading this will know only to well that a 2yo doesn’t queue patiently and my little one is no exception, she’s good but eventually she has to explore. For non parents reading, this is natural, it’s not naughty behaviour! After getting through a slow moving queue – served by three people – I finally got to the counter.

Second mistake – should have walked at this point! To say there where issues with communication would be an understatement. Grown up food ordered…..eventually, so now for 2yo. The kiddy menu was eventually located on the wall covering the size of a postcard. Problem solved? No! Now for the issue of placing the order without a universal translator. After four attempts I thought that I’d succeeded. Wrong! 2yo’s fruit drink was actually a packet of fruit sweets so I requested an alternative. My mistake was that I didn’t tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine and walk across the road to McDonald’s! So a miserable trip for 2yo who at least had the consolation of a sleep in the car on the way home. I used to like KFC but that was in my staggering home pissed days – that’s when it was good – greasy chicken and coke to ease the hung over feeling lying in wait.

So now what do I think?

McDonald’s understand children

• the atmosphere is nice for them
• there are play areas
• they provide colouring sheets and crayons
• but most importantly there is a children’s menu, visible to all, served with a toy

KFC do not cater for our little ones and do not understand their requirements.

McDonald’s employ staff who are capable of communicating with their customers.

KFC do not seem to place language skills high on their list of priorities – this is not just in Milton Keynes, but in a lot of KFC’s that I have used over the years.

So keep up the good work McDonald’s but KFC, must try harder!

McDonald’s have gone to great lengths over the years to improve their image and their product and now provide a nice place to take your children for an occasional treat – and not a bad snack stop for Dad!

Bedford Red

The spirit of the game

For many years there has been a clamour for instant replays in sport. This has been led by the aggrieved parties of “dodgy” decisions and by the television companies eager to cement their place in televised sport.

The first to try this innovation was tennis. Many years ago at Wimbledon an electronic eye was used for tight line calls but was not always accurate. Now, using Hawkeye technology the player can challenge the decision if they feel that it is wrong.

Rugby League followed by Rugby Union now both use television replays to help the decision making process.  The referees have the opportunity to check with a studio referee for infringements, offsides and ball grounding before awarding a try. The positive result was that the correct decision was given. However, the negative side is the time taken sometimes to reach that decision. It can’t be pleasant standing around on a cold day while someone in a studio is taking his time making a decision.

For many seasons the television companies covering first class cricket have had a marvellous array of gadgets at their disposal to analyse decisions. From the early Snickometer to Hawkeye and now the Hotspot. This is fine for the television as it enhances the spectacle. Television can never replace the absolute sensation and atmosphere of sitting in a stadium to enjoy a day’s play. This is also fine for the commentators who need to be wise after the event, be controversial and to have their contracts renewed. It is not fine for honest, dedcent, professional umpires who need to make a decision quickly using their eyes and experience.

I first saw the referral system in Test Match cricket when England last played in the West Indies. It seemed an ill conceived idea then and I still feel the same way. For many years the umpires word was final – but not now. Now we have a system that undermines the umpire and gives an advantage to a dishonest player. For all of us who have played the game at whatever level you accept that the umpire is an honest chap and he gives decisions based on the spirit off the game and not for the benefit of either team. Now at Test Match level, the highest level of our beautiful game, the players can call into question the ability and integrity of the umpire. The fielding side and the batting side have three referrals that they use to challenge the umpires decision. This is a major dent in the umpires on field stature. In Rugby, the replays are called by the referees, not the players. But in cricket, as in tennis, the players have the upper hand. I believe that this is a slippery slope! As professional rewards increase the spirit of the game diminishes and will eventually disappear for ever

Look at what have we seen already?

• Players do not accept the umpires decision
• The umpire and his ability is subjected to public scrutiny
• Gamesmanship is becoming rife – batsmen used to walk when they were out, now they have electronic insurance
• Commentators pontificate with a holier-than-thou attitude on decisions – they are all former players who are forgetting their origins

So far football, or soccer if you live in the colonies, has resisted the call for instant replay technology. Every time there is a contentious decision a coach or manager will request in his interview that the technology is introduced. This will be backed by the studio experts who are desperate for their new contract. I think we should note though, that referees and their assistants would have a better chance of seeing contentious issues if the twenty two players were playing to the spirit of the game and not attempting to con the officials with dives and other methods of foul play.

My main issues with the introduction of technology into sport are:

• So far it is only available in televised games – if your match is not televised your team is disadvantaged
• If it is only applied in top division sport then it becomes elitist and moves further away from the amateur player
• It exposes good honest officials to unfair criticism using hindsight as a primary tool

So let’s protect the officials who are charged with upholding the spirit of the game, whatever the game.

Leave the technology for the studio and keep it away from the playing field.

Long live the Spirit of the Game

Bedford Red

As you grow older……..

Being lazy today I know, but I received the following stories earlier on an email and just had to share them. If, like me, you’re nearer to 50 than 40, you’re also closer to the main characters in the stories. Sobering though eh?!!!

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, ‘How old was your husband?’
’98,’ she replied, ‘Two years older than me’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?’ the reporter asked.
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I feel like my body has got totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor’s permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour..
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

I’ve really got old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia, have poor circulation; can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s licence.

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief”

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference..

Now, I think you’re supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing!!!

Take heart out there and grow old disgracefully!

Bedford Red